December 2009
21 posts
How dare they not include my dudes/bros article in... →
My Week 16 Column →
Wherein I figure out who’s at fault for the Giants’ season. Also, recaps and fake guests.
Week 15 Column: I go Roger Angell on the NFL →
I deliver some Christmas cheer and figure out why Ron Brace isn’t any good.
Gangster
thejerkstore:
I stopped at Kroger’s on my way home from work. While I was shopping, I twice crossed paths with an old man who was pushing a cart, that he was filling up with a lot of stuff. While I was waiting in line at the self-checkout lane, the old man walked past me, still pushing the cart full of stuff, and he walked right out the door. None of the stuff was in bags, and all of the...
The Legend of Ndamukong Suh →
My Week 14 column, where I tell the tale of the next dominant NFL lineman.
Wedding Invitations
In September my friend e-mailed me with a date for his wedding next year. I just got another e-mail from his fiancee asking for my mailing address so she could mail me a save-the-date in January. Then she’ll mail me an invitation in the spring, but probably after e-mailing again to make sure I’m at the same address.
So, when can we just move weddings into Evite/Facebook Event...
She's already starting
twoyellowsequalred:
From: Helen Pierce To: Jack Pierce
Subject: Year End/Decade End Lists
Best Presidents of the 00’s
1. Barack Obama 2. Some other person
And, scene.
Well put
Time names Crack the Skye the third best album of... →
matt-t:
The band name doesn’t inspire confidence. Nor does the warlock-strewn album cover. Nor the fact that Crack the Skye is the last of a four-album cycle about Earth’s elements. But before you sneer, “Hello, Cleveland,” listen to Mastodon’s thunderous, disciplined and expansive brand of metal. There are plenty of bass-drum carpet-bombings, and “The Czar,” a four-part ode to Rasputin — O.K.,...
Top Chef Finale: The People's Champion
And we’re back. And thank God. I needed an excuse to turn away from the UConn game. Of course Kentucky looks great; you’d have a spring in your step too if John Calipari had just paid you under the table. Anyway, I’m ditching the chef nicknames. These guys have earned the right to be called by their real names by a little-read writer. Kevin has nothing but praise for the other finalists,...
Jersey Shore Nickname Generator →
illustratedexample:
shalon:
tiredofbeingignored:
abearjunkie:
flcuddlebear:
mrbenzadrine:
christmasonthemoon:
vooduude:
“The Sausage Party”
“Juice Box”
“Prince Of Paramus”
Juice Springsteen - come get some.
Your Jersey Shore nickname is: The Impact
Really?
The Tight End.
The Condition
The Hands Team.
I’d like everyone to please refer to me as that from now on.
Bobby...
Scene 5 years from now
Hank Steinbrenner: Ah, Mr. Big Wheel, so glad to meet you. We’re so happy we gave your firm the Yankees account.
Bobby Big Wheel: What the hell did you trade Austin Jackson for?!? He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBI’s last year, he’s got a rocket for an arm, you don’t know what the hell you’re doing!
Hank Steinbrenner: Well, Jackson was a good propsect, no question...
Week 13 NFL Column →
Conspiracies! Concussions! Chris Johnson! Canadian football!
Brilliant idea needed!
lizlemon:
For a birthday bar that’s:
-South of 14th Street
-Fun
-Big (like, holds more than 100 people)
-Crowded on a Saturday night, but not packed
Winner gets an invite to Lizmas! What say you?
(NB: the past three years have been at Naked Lunch, Mason Dixon, and The Delancey. No repeats, please!)
If only there existed an iTunes Genius for bars. “I see you like Naked Lunch,...
Top Chef Week 13: Four Princes
And we’re back. The break was only one week, but all the Thanksgiving eating sans Top Chef made it seem like a lot longer. At least we were spared a contrived Top Chef Thanksgiving episode filmed in July. You know, unlike last season. Well, the top four chefs survived to the end, making the previous 12 weeks as pointless as the NHL regular season. But what a ride it was. We learned Redheaded...
Final SHOTY Prediction
My attempt to go Joe Lunardi on Deadspin’s Sports Human of the Year award backfired when Will and A.J. decided to alter its format. As my hero Rowdy Roddy Piper once said, “just when they think they’ve got the answers, I change the questions!” This year there will only be 8 nominees, announced alphabetically, unseeded. So, here’s my crack at predicting them.
Erin...