[It’s a typical day at City High School, as the cool girls sit at the same table in the student lounge]

Los Angeles: Hey, did you guys watch The Bachelor last night?

New Orleans: No I was busy drinking schnapps at the abandoned quarry.

Miami: That’s gross, if you’re not careful you’ll end up in juvy like Philadelphia

New York: Oh, like we didn’t all see that coming.  And I had to watch The Bachelor on DVR.  I was on my back from 9-10 if you know what i mean.

San Diego: Ha ha, New York, you’re the Samantha of our group.

New York: I know, it’s because I fuck a lot of dudes.

Chicago: So did you guys see that Indianapolis decided she should be in charge of the Super Winter Ball this year?

Miami: UGH, I KNOW!  I miss when it was just me, San Diego, LA and New Orleans who could host it.

New Orleans: Hey guys, it’s OK to snort cocaine if you have a prescription right?

Los Angeles: Miami is right.  Like, Dallas got to plan it after she had plastic surgery, but Indianapolis?  Where does she get off?

Washington: I know, that’s not fetch at all.

San Francisco: Stop trying to make fetch happen, Washington.  Besides, you’re only here because you date that black guy.

Miami: And it’s not like the time we let Jacksonville plan it because she’s the retarded girl.  

San Diego: That was so sweet of us.

New Orleans: I’ll be right back, I need to give the janitor a hand job in exchange for some E.

Los Angeles: Well, I say we all act mean toward Indianapolis so she regrets ever trying to plan the Super Winter Ball

All: AGREED!

[One week letter, the B-group of girls are sitting together in the cafeteria]

Indianapolis: [sobbing] THEY’RE JUST SO MEAN!

Detroit: Hey, I went through this too, it’s OK.

Indianapolis: [between sobs] At least they went easy on you because your family is poor.

Phoenix: Hey, no need to be mean like that!

Indianapolis: I’m sorry, it’s just that all the mean girls do is make fun of how uncool I am

Houston: It’s just part of planning the Super Winter Ball, sweetie

Indianapolis: What do you mean?

Tampa: Well, if you didn’t want to be made fun of, you never would have decided to stick your neck out like that.

Phoenix: Yeah, you could have just let everyone keep calling you India-noplace behind your back but otherwise not think of you.

Kansas City: It’s going to happen to me too; at least I can cook, which makes up for it a little bit.

Houston: Yeah, I made up for it by being really hot.

Phoenix: “Being really hot” is usually a measure of attractiveness, not temperature.

Houston: Whatever.

Detroit: Indianapolis, you need to realize that you kind of brought this on yourself. Instead of getting all defensive, just roll with the punches, and maybe someday the cool girls will welcome you as one of your own.

Indianapolis: [sniff] Really?

Kansas City: HAHAHAH NO!  Do you really think New York would ever let you hang out with her?  You should be happy that you get to hang out with us instead of having to join the school newspaper with Hartford.

Tampa: You can always start dealing drugs to the cool girls like Portland and Austin, that seems to work too.

Phoenix: Listen, Indianapolis, you have two options.  Keep crying, which will just make the cool girls want to make fun of you even more, or roll with the punches and they’ll lose interest in making fun of you.

[Scene]